Spellbound

Emily Brontë

The night is darkening round me,

The wild winds coldly blow;

But a tyrant spell has bound me

And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending

Their bare boughs weighed with snow.

And the storm is fast descending,

And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,

Wastes beyond wastes below;

But nothing drear can move me;

I will not, cannot go.

 

Winter Verse

Deep in the ground of the human soul

Of victory assured

The Spirit-Sun is living.

All through the winter of the inner life

The faithful heart divines it.

 GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN

While witches kept their watching O’er sleeping flock by night, Behold, throughout the night sky, There shone a magic light.

Go tell it on the mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere.
Go tell it on the mountain,
The Solstice sun is born.

The witches danced and feasted, When lo, there was rebirth.
The sunbeams climbed the mountains
And poured across the earth.

Down in a lowly valley,
The sun rays lit the morn,
And life began a-stirring
To sing this solstice song.

 Winter reflections

Lingering

the shadow of your precious laughter,

the scent of your sweetness;

still, when the rivers flow

the ache to see you go.

Yet, when the seas rise

the moon child floats

fleeting free, flies, across

the northern skies,

Blessed be my child 

in the hills with heather and moss

in the wilderness mild

open your eyes

and see, breathe the world;

crystals, feathers and stones

daughter, feel the world

for all it has to offer.

I in silence suffer

my tired bones

until I find myself again

learning to let go of the pain

Here, hear, near

I care, you dear

Cara, cara, anche lontana

ti sono vicina.

Autumn reflections

  Leave the familiar for a while

Let your senses stretch out
Like a welcome season
Onto meadows shores and hills
Change rooms in your mind for a day
All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside the equator of your heart
Greet Yourself
In your thousand other forms
As you mount the hidden tide
And travel
Back home
Into the great circle of the heart.

HAFIZ

"OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW IS A BRILLIANCE OF LEAVES SWIVELLING AND DANCING ROUND AND ROUND. THE SKY IS THE COLOUR OF MAPLE SYRUP. THERE IS A HINT OF BURGUNDY ETCHED ON EACH GOLDEN LEAF  YOUR HEART HAS BECOME A SYMPHONY OF AUTUMN, RUSTLING ALONG BREEZY AND HAPPY AS A WAYWARD KITE. CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER IN YOUR EAR AND WINDBLOWN PATCH OF EARTH ARRIVE IN YOUR COLOURFUL PLAYGROUND, AND SUDDENLY YOU ARE YOUNG AGAIN. STANDING ON A HILL OF LEAVES YOU RAISE YOUR ARMS AND DROP THE LEAFLETS THEN WATCH THEM TUMBLING DOWN BRINGING SHADES OF COCOA BROWN, PUMPKIN ORANGE, GOLDEN GATE RED AND MELLOW YELLOW  PUMPKIN GRINS AND BLUSHING APPLES SITTING ON A LINEN TABLECLOTH OF WHITE AND RED. JACK O'LANTERNS WILL SOON BE LIT AND COSTUME DRESS WILL BE IN FULL SWING. DIVE INTO AUTUMN SECRETS AND TALK TO NATURE IN YOUR QUIET AND SURE VOICE. TELL THE BUDDING PINE CONES ABOUT YOUR LOVE OF FRESH OCTOBER CALLS. ETCHED ON A LEAF I SEE A WORD.  IT SPELLS P E A C E. (Mystic Rose) Acknowledge and give thanks to all that moves—in and out of your heart. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu (May all beings everywhere be happy and free,  and may our thoughts, words, and actions  contribute in some way  to that happiness and freedom for all.) Autumn is a time to prepare for winter in that we need to really take care of ourselves. Autumn is definitely a self-care time of year, what we do now can really set us up for winter. Wearing oneself out in autumn can result in low immunity for flu season. Getting into a healthy, perhaps more structured routine with good sleep patterns is important. I mentioned being out in nature and not only is this visually gorgeous but it also helps our body tune in to the season. We want to mimic what is going on in nature – releasing and restoring. We start to naturally crave the foods that are in season. The key is to work with the season rather than against. When the temperature drops the body scrambles to protect itself from heat loss. Nourishing foods are essential. Adjusting to seasonal eating means we make a shift from the raw and cold foods like salads to warming, gently cooked ones like soups and dals. We can really simplify our diet and think of food as something that will nurture us. Root vegetables, carrots, beets along with pumpkins (they are not just for Halloween!), and butternut squash are all wonderful this time of year.

 

Forries Nursery School

Each day is filled with new experiences that cannot be found indoors

We will open the Forries Nursery School in our Blackheath setting, Eliot Pit wood, a little, hidden ‘green gem’ just off Blackheath. Each day is filled with new experiences that cannot be found indoors which range from building dens, climbing trees, treasure hunts, woodland craft, wildlife exploration to name but a few. Our children learn how to appreciate the wonder and beauty of nature, care for and respect their environment, learn new skills and have lots of fun in the process.

A typical day at Forries Nursery School

• We meet at our ‘drop-off’ place near Eliot Pit wood at 9.30am.
• We will spend the bulk of our time in the woods, at our base camp.
• We walk back to our ‘drop-off’ place in time for collection at 2.30.
• Children need a packed lunch. We provide water for drinking, snacks and fruit.

Reserve your space now as it will be very popular.

https://www.forrieseducation.co.uk/

 ‘To see the world in a grain of sand.

And heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand.

An eternity in an hour.’

~William Blake~

 

I Give You This One Thought

I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still – in each new dawn.

 

Nature, your essence motherly,

I bear within the being of my will;

And my will’s fire-force,

It steels impulses of the spirit,

So they may bear a sense of self

To bear myself in me.

To penetrate my being’s depths:

A longing filled with boding stirs,

That I in self-beholding find myself

As sun-gift of the summer which as seed

In mood of autumn, warming lives

As driving forces of my soul.

 ‘The Calendar of the Soul’ were written by Rudolf Steiner 

 A farewell pizza supper at our friends...

My Morgana has been tutoring the boy for a while, she will continue from the northern coordinates via screen, we are so proud of this, both of us mums for our 'babies'!

These words are by Max Ehrmann 

‘Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others – even the dull and ignorant – they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

 If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

 Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is, many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

By yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither by cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

 Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

 Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with your God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.’

Where the Water meets the Fire

Here I am

Inside a rising flame

Yet here I am 

With fear and shame

Drowned the desire

Flowing river, flowing

Evaporating with fire

Unsure, carried, blowing

Winds of ancient song

Womb, expanding, shrinking

Dissolving back where I belong

Here I sleep while standing

Where the water meets the fire

The passing of time

Swirls, shapes, shadows, spots
Cells, each one a memory
Tight and tighter in knots
Chained to the deep sensory
The grotty and the downward pull
The expansion and the gravity
The tightness and the feel full
The irrational, the insanity
The alien and the strangeness
The need to hide away
From everything, more or less
Can't shout, speak or say
Scream in terror as if in a nightmare
Stuck far out, somewhere, here, there
Past and future, the passing of time
Stillness, hope, love sublime

6th Moon

Now it's June
hope not to soon
to say it's past the 6th Moon

And the blossoms look sweet
Fresh roses bloom fragrant and open
And lavender buds and rosemary meet
Like my bones and muscles broken
My heart is pounding, my chest hurts
My mind wanders filled with fear
My brain on repeat until it bursts
My body collapsing, here
On a bed too hard, too soft, too cold, too hot
In my home too open, too close, tight like knot
In chains, constricted, prisoner of my old self
My veins pumping old blood
See the dusty book on the shelf
Remember when my girl was a little bud
Now ready to leave the nest
Here I am supposed to rest

Instead I feel like digging, gripping,
Clenching, wrapping, grasping,
Turning removing the topsoil
Trying to find Light, Peace
Finding a way to keep growing strong
Let the old leaves drop, release
To renew and seek what I long
For it's me, and him, and me again, soon
The old dynamic is the new, another moon

I long, I seek, I find, I loose, I cry,
I breathe, it feels like stagnant air, why?

Everything matters

For all that matters
My mind chatters
It keeps going and it won't shut up
Until my body screams 'I'm messed up'
Then the physical sensations are louder
The pain, like a flame, from the inner to the outer
Now I am trying to quiet the mind
And tell my body I will be kind
Everything matters and it all makes sense again
That inside my pain is my brain

All I need is to keep breathing in and out
And let my pain just shout

Breathing in
let the light in
Flow, flow, let go
breathing out
let the pain disperse
to the infinite universe

Moonchild

Dancing in the shallows of a river
Lonely moonchild
Dreaming in the shadow
Of the willow.

Talking to the trees of the
Cobweb strange
Sleeping on the steps of a fountain
Waving silver wands to the
Night-birds song
Waiting for the sun on the mountain.

She's a moonchild
Gathering the flowers in a garden.
Lovely moonchild
Drifting on the echoes of the hours.

Sailing on the wind
In a milk white gown
Dropping circle stones on a sun dial
Playing hide and seek
With the ghosts of dawn
Waiting for a smile from a sun child

Moonchild 

King Crimson

L.I.F.E.

L for Look at this!
I for I don't know how it all happened
F is for fantastic
E is for ever - changing

And so, things have been happening all around me, with me or without me'
All the chain of events, slowly unfolding.
Life going in circles, and I am looking inward and perhaps missing some.
No regrets, no sadness allowed, no dwelling, no repeating patterns,
No creating patterns, no seeking sadness, sadness...oh no...the emptiness.
Be free, and open, be the facilitator, the creator, the mother of mothers.
For the physical state is only an illusion, like time or reality.
For the presence will be felt, in my blood.


It's not the silence, but the absence of her quiet



The taste of the sea
A drop of the ocean
Tear, salty and sweet
Mirage vision
In my eyes
Always

The truth of my own image

There has arisen from my egohood
My Self, and finds itself
As cosmic revelation
In pulse of time and space;
The world shows everywhere to me
As godly archetype
The truth of my own image.


My self is threatening to fly forth,
Lured strongly by the world’s enticing light.
Come forth, prophetic feeling,
Take up with strength your rightful task:
Replace in me the power of thought
Which in the senses’ glory
Would gladly lose itself.


(From: The Calendar of the Soul by Rudolf Steiner)


The verses in ‘The Calendar of the Soul’ were written by Rudolf Steiner for each week of the year (original in German), reflecting the soul experiences we can feel and through which we can inwardly grow in relationship to the time of the year. Through such reflections and meditations on the changing soul experiences through the year, one can develop a deep inner soul connection to the cycle of the seasons. They can be a soul-full companion and inner help in trials as well as joys through the year.*





The last posts here are a collection of thoughts in verses, discordant poetry, it is my journey, my way of 'screaming into a pillow'...
My body and my thoughts, my feelings,
 have been going through a phase;
 I am trying to observe from inside and ride this era of my life here on Earth, not knowing yet how it is going to change...yes changes are quite something...but it is part of being a woman
this is my expression of this tumultuous phase full of changes, 
the peri menopause - 
All things happening emotionally and physically are translated 
in words in the hope that one can look at this and understand, even if only a glimpse of it, or identify herself, 
perhaps also sharing, in the hope that one day 

I can look at this and ask myself how did I cope?
I also plan to create a multimedia expression and representation of this phase, with the help of other collaborators.

I am currently seeking to connect with other women between 45 and 55 going through similar experience. 
If you are willing and able to express what you are going through with paintings and sculptures, photographs and installations, perhaps even musical pieces, please come forward and share.
I would like to create together and make it into an art event.

Broken

Broken
Shaken and shattered
Fragmented bones
Wrung out muscles
Bruised, crushed,
Macerating body

No matter how many sun salutations
This is my current situation
Taking Black Cohosh and Sage
Inside my body is in rage
Aching joints Perimenopause
I just hope that is the main cause

Heavy, crippled, battered frame
Soft, open, tender swallen and in flame.

In my dream

In my dream
I had a dream
And in my dream
I knew I was in my dream
And when I woke up
Nothing made sense
Everything's fucked up
For just a moment
No logic, just tense
And twisted thoughts
Lost thoughts
As if I was caught
In a vast fishing net, and brought,
Like a fish in a dark ocean, pulled out
Drowned and washed to shore
Of the sea of tranquil
In this strange turmoil
I can't breathe
I can't breathe
In shock and despair
I wake up and swallow air

In my dream
I still dream
Too scared to wake up and scream

Fast forward

Perhaps is me
I cannot really see
How we can even be
As we are right now,
I can't explain how
We seem to be stuck in the past.
It's like, we are still afraid of things new
Or maybe scared to go too fast
Forward we look, to things we knew
Already had an idea or scared to try
Seems to go in cycles, and I ask why?

I don't know if I want to see
The vintage reinvented
The eclectic and frugal
The scandi chic
The grungy hippie
The sleek modern
The cheap junk
The expensive crap
The mismatched and the reclaimed
The upcycled and the boho
The country urban
The urban beach
The home sweet homes
The people so bored
Apple laptops and mobile phones
As if they were the last treasures on Earth
The wooden cafes with the bearded baristas
The vegan burgers with the ethnic dishes
The fusion flavours with the futon cliches

I want to be in see through buildings with sliding doors
I want to experience a sideways lift across the floors
I want to beep through and tap around
I want to cross and not touch the ground
I need to zoom from any room
A suspended spiral staircase to the moon
Is all this available now or soon?

As I speak it already is been done and gone.
So I am getting quite restless and bothered
I just need to take a big breath and fast forward

Go gently

Go gently,
go deep.
Go within,
stay asleep
Just keeping in
Reservoir of this magnificence
Transmutation, slow
Steady, breathe, this silence
Nowhere to go

Stay here, now, stay here
Gather what I need
Treasure, comfort all near
By my self, no bleed

Gold and silver treacle light
treacle down below
tho this earth, hold tight
don't let it go
just yet
Hold it
Love it
Then release
Like dance through a flame
Rise up, fly with ease
It will not be the same

Reborn and renew
Gently, dance and sway
Like fresh morning dew
On a cool day, in May

Living this right now
Embrace and learn, know how
to surrender to the power
Of the womb, like a flower

Blossom, stronger than ever.




Like Persephone journeying into the depths of the underworld, she must courageously and fully experience this psychic inner journey before she can arise into the sweet light of spring, the sunlight of new beginnings, the stepping stones that lead her away from a past that no longer serves, honours and enhances the wild, wise woman she is becoming, and this metamorphosis that welcomes her into the ancient realm of Wisdom Woman. As she begins shedding her emotional attachment to the predictability of her lunar menstrual rhythms, she dives deeper into the realm of the mystical feminine, the realm of her female mystery.



When a woman opens to the powerful and expansive dawning of her menopausal transformation, she is potentially opening to a profound metamorphosis into power, wisdom and a deepening integrity of female truth. If she openly welcomes and embraces the intimacy, depth and profundity this transformational journey can bestow, she will enter the mystical, mythical and mystery-filled realm of the female Shaman. For menopause is traditionally a Shamanic pilgrimage of healing that strips away all the mental and intellectual beliefs she has gathered throughout her life until now. This powerful menopausal transformation offers to reveal who she truly is and who she is truly becoming, beneath the familiar layers of structured conditioning that suppress her power, confine her wildness and prevent her from living, loving and being the ancient wisdom of the feminine, the sacredness of the wise, wild woman.

The power of the womb, impersonal,
 immortal, infinitely still, 
succulent and wild, 
exquisite and deep, 
profound and wise.

http://www.wisewomanmentor.com/articles/4396168

Be, just be

May brings
a new sense of sensing
a sensational sensory experience
of earth and air
of warmth and safety
yet
hunger for new beginnings
and striving to accomplish
to persevere and continue
faith in this organic feeling
faith in myself
trusting to be
in the flow, in the moment
accepting
surrendering
sweet scents of lilac and wisteria
purple haze and blue skies
the sun
the moon
grounding and soothing
its perpetual cycles
the seasons
my transition into a new era
what this seems from the the other side
inside and out
suddenly I feel held
lulled and cocooned
I know me as I am going and growing
turning back and looking within
seeing myself
being myself
for real
what it will be
will be
that is still me

being now here
in this moment

painting the picture
of the present is futile
as it is past as soon as the brush dips in the colour
is here for a while
and it is the future unseen
the moment has been

be, just be
and go, just flow

Is it me?

Is it me,
Or is it she
The one looking
In the looking glass
Not good looking
With a big fat ass
Glassy eyed
Stupefied
Wish the mirror lied

But hey, it's me
Or this new me
Plus another me
Which one do I see

I am you and she is you and I am me and I am she
Is that me?
See through eyes
Crazy eyes
Can't be
Monkey's screaming
No more playing
Elephant's trunk
Stink like skunk
Flaming, raging, blaming, shaming
Smacking, cracking,
Crawling, dancing, burning fire
Ancient tragic Greek acting
Some like it hot
Crisp frozen melting desire
Goddess hiding
behind a wooden mask
Demon gypsy stallion riding
Imagine, not
This body, in a basque

Is it me?.....Maybe from afar
Really far, yes it's moi.

The challenge

Morning dew
Something new
Radiance, glow
Come and go

This pandemic
it's quite pathetic
everyone is
quite empathetic

My internal turmoil
My continuous battle
I hear my blood boil
My cousin's in Seattle

Pandemic, it's the lockdown
Anxious me, groggy head
Paracetamol, in my dressing gown
No reason to get out of bed

Perhaps it is a blessing
This whole thing
I can just be, slow down a bit
I welcome it, I must admit

Time to look within
Time to just be

Experimental cuisine
I am my usual busy-bee

Cherish this time, be still
Look inside, wait until
It's over
There'll be bluebirds over

The metamorphosis

This fuzzy cocoon
This groggy self
Alien body the Moon
Heavy Earth gravity
Hear myself, hear myself
Alone, no identity

Pushing, wriggling out
Suffocating feeling
Waiting to grow my wings and spread out
Waiting to break free, dying
To fly

For now I sing the melancholy song
For it has been far too long
So far I have been wondering
Feeling, feeling and suffering
So perhaps is best
to surrender in this nest

I should get my paints out and try
To paint the wings of Me Butterfly

Unfold
And reveal
The outside in
Inside out
all over and all around
Lovingly glow
Lovingly grow
Freely flow
Spread, heal, feel

Divine light
Divine Love

Hear the Angels song
It has been too long
Awake now
It is all here, going to appear
Release your fear

The end is near

These silent spaces
Where the moon
Has lost its phases

I know that soon
The me, of many faces
Will finally find
Peace

Iridescence

Warmth
Radiant glow
Sun rays, winds blow

Heat pressing
Rising, suffocating
Even oppressing

Heart beating
Feeling tight
Then a glowing
Ever flowing
Iridescent light

Warmth
Colours, scents of many flowers
Glowing, flowing
Heat
Body bending
Extending
Reaching out
Cosmic radiance
Light, colours
Rising
Expanding
Contracting
Womb, pulsing
Universal frequencies
humming, tuning in
Perceiving

Peace, deep peace,
Radiance and cosmic love

Each cell in my body
Tuned in
This flow
This love

I surrender
I open
I listen
I glisten


Iridescence

Let us not be alone in our pain.

We can still remember when things were good.

We can still learn again to love ourselves, nature and our human nature.

How things work?

We work things together. This is called communication. Living in a community.




Susannah

As souls learn to contribute the gifts they possess

So the community grows and expands.

No one living in the community can live unto themselves

And just take, take, take

And give nothing.

Let Me use each one of you

So that you can give of your very best

In everything you do.

( from Foundations of a Spiritual Community, Eileen Caddy, co-founder of the Findhorn Foundation )

The end of the beginning

Here

where I am safe

where I am lost

here

where you are near

your breath

your sighs

keeping me grounded

the sun

the cold wind

here

i am near 

I feel the end

is clear

and then 

a new beginning

The last posts here are a collection of thoughts in verses, discordant poetry
My body and my thoughts, my feelings have been going through a phase, and still are, of a tumultuous phase full of changes, the peri menopause - the expressions of which is translated in words in the hope that one can look at this and understand, even if only a glimpse of it, or identify herself, perhaps also sharing, in the hope that one day I can look at this and ask myself how did I cope?
I also plan to create a multimedia expression and representation of this phase, with the help of other collaborators.
I am currently seeking to connect with other women between 45 and 55 going through similar experience and that are able to express what they are going through with paintings and sculptures, photographs and installations, perhaps even musical pieces.
Come forward and share.