Everything matters

For all that matters
My mind chatters
It keeps going and it won't shut up
Until my body screams 'I'm messed up'
Then the physical sensations are louder
The pain, like a flame, from the inner to the outer
Now I am trying to quiet the mind
And tell my body I will be kind
Everything matters and it all makes sense again
That inside my pain is my brain

All I need is to keep breathing in and out
And let my pain just shout

Breathing in
let the light in
Flow, flow, let go
breathing out
let the pain disperse
to the infinite universe

Moonchild

Dancing in the shallows of a river
Lonely moonchild
Dreaming in the shadow
Of the willow.

Talking to the trees of the
Cobweb strange
Sleeping on the steps of a fountain
Waving silver wands to the
Night-birds song
Waiting for the sun on the mountain.

She's a moonchild
Gathering the flowers in a garden.
Lovely moonchild
Drifting on the echoes of the hours.

Sailing on the wind
In a milk white gown
Dropping circle stones on a sun dial
Playing hide and seek
With the ghosts of dawn
Waiting for a smile from a sun child

Moonchild 

King Crimson

L.I.F.E.

L for Look at this!
I for I don't know how it all happened
F is for fantastic
E is for ever - changing

And so, things have been happening all around me, with me or without me'
All the chain of events, slowly unfolding.
Life going in circles, and I am looking inward and perhaps missing some.
No regrets, no sadness allowed, no dwelling, no repeating patterns,
No creating patterns, no seeking sadness, sadness...oh no...the emptiness.
Be free, and open, be the facilitator, the creator, the mother of mothers.
For the physical state is only an illusion, like time or reality.
For the presence will be felt, in my blood.


It's not the silence, but the absence of her quiet



The taste of the sea
A drop of the ocean
Tear, salty and sweet
Mirage vision
In my eyes
Always

The truth of my own image

There has arisen from my egohood
My Self, and finds itself
As cosmic revelation
In pulse of time and space;
The world shows everywhere to me
As godly archetype
The truth of my own image.


My self is threatening to fly forth,
Lured strongly by the world’s enticing light.
Come forth, prophetic feeling,
Take up with strength your rightful task:
Replace in me the power of thought
Which in the senses’ glory
Would gladly lose itself.


(From: The Calendar of the Soul by Rudolf Steiner)


The verses in ‘The Calendar of the Soul’ were written by Rudolf Steiner for each week of the year (original in German), reflecting the soul experiences we can feel and through which we can inwardly grow in relationship to the time of the year. Through such reflections and meditations on the changing soul experiences through the year, one can develop a deep inner soul connection to the cycle of the seasons. They can be a soul-full companion and inner help in trials as well as joys through the year.*





The last posts here are a collection of thoughts in verses, discordant poetry, it is my journey, my way of 'screaming into a pillow'...
My body and my thoughts, my feelings,
 have been going through a phase;
 I am trying to observe from inside and ride this era of my life here on Earth, not knowing yet how it is going to change...yes changes are quite something...but it is part of being a woman
this is my expression of this tumultuous phase full of changes, 
the peri menopause - 
All things happening emotionally and physically are translated 
in words in the hope that one can look at this and understand, even if only a glimpse of it, or identify herself, 
perhaps also sharing, in the hope that one day 

I can look at this and ask myself how did I cope?
I also plan to create a multimedia expression and representation of this phase, with the help of other collaborators.

I am currently seeking to connect with other women between 45 and 55 going through similar experience. 
If you are willing and able to express what you are going through with paintings and sculptures, photographs and installations, perhaps even musical pieces, please come forward and share.
I would like to create together and make it into an art event.

Broken

Broken
Shaken and shattered
Fragmented bones
Wrung out muscles
Bruised, crushed,
Macerating body

No matter how many sun salutations
This is my current situation
Taking Black Cohosh and Sage
Inside my body is in rage
Aching joints Perimenopause
I just hope that is the main cause

Heavy, crippled, battered frame
Soft, open, tender swallen and in flame.

In my dream

In my dream
I had a dream
And in my dream
I knew I was in my dream
And when I woke up
Nothing made sense
Everything's fucked up
For just a moment
No logic, just tense
And twisted thoughts
Lost thoughts
As if I was caught
In a vast fishing net, and brought,
Like a fish in a dark ocean, pulled out
Drowned and washed to shore
Of the sea of tranquil
In this strange turmoil
I can't breathe
I can't breathe
In shock and despair
I wake up and swallow air

In my dream
I still dream
Too scared to wake up and scream

Fast forward

Perhaps is me
I cannot really see
How we can even be
As we are right now,
I can't explain how
We seem to be stuck in the past.
It's like, we are still afraid of things new
Or maybe scared to go too fast
Forward we look, to things we knew
Already had an idea or scared to try
Seems to go in cycles, and I ask why?

I don't know if I want to see
The vintage reinvented
The eclectic and frugal
The scandi chic
The grungy hippie
The sleek modern
The cheap junk
The expensive crap
The mismatched and the reclaimed
The upcycled and the boho
The country urban
The urban beach
The home sweet homes
The people so bored
Apple laptops and mobile phones
As if they were the last treasures on Earth
The wooden cafes with the bearded baristas
The vegan burgers with the ethnic dishes
The fusion flavours with the futon cliches

I want to be in see through buildings with sliding doors
I want to experience a sideways lift across the floors
I want to beep through and tap around
I want to cross and not touch the ground
I need to zoom from any room
A suspended spiral staircase to the moon
Is all this available now or soon?

As I speak it already is been done and gone.
So I am getting quite restless and bothered
I just need to take a big breath and fast forward

Go gently

Go gently,
go deep.
Go within,
stay asleep
Just keeping in
Reservoir of this magnificence
Transmutation, slow
Steady, breathe, this silence
Nowhere to go

Stay here, now, stay here
Gather what I need
Treasure, comfort all near
By my self, no bleed

Gold and silver treacle light
treacle down below
tho this earth, hold tight
don't let it go
just yet
Hold it
Love it
Then release
Like dance through a flame
Rise up, fly with ease
It will not be the same

Reborn and renew
Gently, dance and sway
Like fresh morning dew
On a cool day, in May

Living this right now
Embrace and learn, know how
to surrender to the power
Of the womb, like a flower

Blossom, stronger than ever.




Like Persephone journeying into the depths of the underworld, she must courageously and fully experience this psychic inner journey before she can arise into the sweet light of spring, the sunlight of new beginnings, the stepping stones that lead her away from a past that no longer serves, honours and enhances the wild, wise woman she is becoming, and this metamorphosis that welcomes her into the ancient realm of Wisdom Woman. As she begins shedding her emotional attachment to the predictability of her lunar menstrual rhythms, she dives deeper into the realm of the mystical feminine, the realm of her female mystery.



When a woman opens to the powerful and expansive dawning of her menopausal transformation, she is potentially opening to a profound metamorphosis into power, wisdom and a deepening integrity of female truth. If she openly welcomes and embraces the intimacy, depth and profundity this transformational journey can bestow, she will enter the mystical, mythical and mystery-filled realm of the female Shaman. For menopause is traditionally a Shamanic pilgrimage of healing that strips away all the mental and intellectual beliefs she has gathered throughout her life until now. This powerful menopausal transformation offers to reveal who she truly is and who she is truly becoming, beneath the familiar layers of structured conditioning that suppress her power, confine her wildness and prevent her from living, loving and being the ancient wisdom of the feminine, the sacredness of the wise, wild woman.

The power of the womb, impersonal,
 immortal, infinitely still, 
succulent and wild, 
exquisite and deep, 
profound and wise.

http://www.wisewomanmentor.com/articles/4396168

Be, just be

May brings
a new sense of sensing
a sensational sensory experience
of earth and air
of warmth and safety
yet
hunger for new beginnings
and striving to accomplish
to persevere and continue
faith in this organic feeling
faith in myself
trusting to be
in the flow, in the moment
accepting
surrendering
sweet scents of lilac and wisteria
purple haze and blue skies
the sun
the moon
grounding and soothing
its perpetual cycles
the seasons
my transition into a new era
what this seems from the the other side
inside and out
suddenly I feel held
lulled and cocooned
I know me as I am going and growing
turning back and looking within
seeing myself
being myself
for real
what it will be
will be
that is still me

being now here
in this moment

painting the picture
of the present is futile
as it is past as soon as the brush dips in the colour
is here for a while
and it is the future unseen
the moment has been

be, just be
and go, just flow