6th Moon

Now it's June
hope not to soon
to say it's past the 6th Moon

And the blossoms look sweet
Fresh roses bloom fragrant and open
And lavender buds and rosemary meet
Like my bones and muscles broken
My heart is pounding, my chest hurts
My mind wanders filled with fear
My brain on repeat until it bursts
My body collapsing, here
On a bed too hard, too soft, too cold, too hot
In my home too open, too close, tight like knot
In chains, constricted, prisoner of my old self
My veins pumping old blood
See the dusty book on the shelf
Remember when my girl was a little bud
Now ready to leave the nest
Here I am supposed to rest

Instead I feel like digging, gripping,
Clenching, wrapping, grasping,
Turning removing the topsoil
Trying to find Light, Peace
Finding a way to keep growing strong
Let the old leaves drop, release
To renew and seek what I long
For it's me, and him, and me again, soon
The old dynamic is the new, another moon

I long, I seek, I find, I loose, I cry,
I breathe, it feels like stagnant air, why?