Kindness and gratitude

Yesterday, a lovely lady helped me so much I am so thankful. I left my rucksack on the bus and was going with two little children to run my outdoor session in Oxleas Woods, then, when I realized what was happening, I dealt with it straight away, luckily, I had my phone and bus card, an keys in my pocket; I phoned lost property and after a few phone calls after about an hour or so I knew they found my bag. Meanwhile we had a nice session and the children played very well. I have a poorly foot these last few days, with a swollen and inflamed part that is making walking difficult and painful at times...

Well, a few people came forward and said they would help by going to the bus garage for me or take me there in their car...
This lady who I know, not particularly well, grandmother of a lovely little boy, said she would go in her car to get my rucksack for me and return to the woods to give it to me. She did as a random act of kindness, so rare to see this quality in a person. She refused offers of drinks, tea, money...( I said not to pay the session and keep the money towards the petrol used) ...She said it was nothing, only a few minutes away, even if it took about half hour, she did it and that was so kind...

The thing I understood about myself, and this must be true for other people too, is that is so hard to accept any kindness and to say thank you. I said thank you and was so grateful, but felt guilty, helplessly and strangely awkward, perhaps slightly odd...It is embarrassing to feel like that...I still think, actually made up my mind to go and get a gift for this lady, and a thank you card. This is a gesture. My gesture to show my gratitude. I feel gratitude, I am thankful and I expressed thanks by holding her hand and hugging her, still I don't think is enough. It is beyond my understanding: why was that not enough!?
We live in a culture where a random act of kindness is so rare we feel embarrassed when it happens to us!

This culture of fast modern life, where the hours and minutes count and any extra time is extra, and therefore charged. These boundaries, the giving and receiving treated  mainly as a money business, yes, time and money. Our efforts appreciated within the limits of what we want to give and are willing to receive, and what we are willing to do for how much we will receive in return.
It's a fair word, it is true. It is hard to imagine somebody likes to give for nothing!

Then I spoke to a friend about this and she told me she was hardly surprised about what happened.
I have apparently a giving nature and I am always giving...I asked what and she said - my love, my time, my passion for things...and she went on and on, about how I always cook her wonderful meals when she comes and how I am so generous...Well I never realized ....really!

So now, I am going to put my feet up and have a cup of tea and a square of dark chocolate. After all, I have done my paper work, sent all my emails, dealt with my banking, fed the cat, done the online shopping, done the washing, been hanging the washing, sorting the clothes, made the bed, done the washing up, the cooking for tea, and it is only the middle of the day! I still feel guilty about it and still feel like I haven't done much, but this is what is like to be a woman!

This is my 'homework' for later: read
http://www.dharmadrum.org/content/about/about2.aspx?sn=46

Susannah

Bluebells in the woods