Birthday

My Birthday, and after a month, my daughter's birthday...
Another year, same old same old...only a bit older...
the rhythm of life...the months, the season...the cold winter and the coming of spring...
there is something missing...there is something else...an invisible something whcih I don't even know what it is...
a parallel universe...of lost fantasies...of the thousands and million places I want to go and see or houses and places I want to live in and clothes I want to wear and a different lost body I once had and I am looking for again...
All the things I never said and wanted to say...or did I say them and I forgot..
I have visions of me saying such things...at least in my virtual reality...
It does seem that dream and reality mix and over lap in a continuous flow and I am many times lost between the two...
Spring forward! Well, spring is coming, spring is coming, birdies are building their nests, flowers are indeed coming through...
I have a tendency to look back and go over past things...but I also leap forward and see the future a lot and create amazing ideas and have visions...yes I might be a visionary...I am most of the time ahead of the time...I say and do things, initiate projects and put all the energy into projects and ideas...then perhaps move to some other new thing...or try to stay in the present time...only to find a few months or years later some other people ( connected to me) doing or saying the same things I said or did before as if it was a new thing, and perhaps they come at the time when others are ready for that particular thing, or idea...whilst when I presented it, nobody was ready yet!
People need 'notice', people are scared of change.
We are all in our comfort zoene, a bit stuck in our ways...our habits...change is a bit scary...new things are a bit too much for most of us!
We need to be more open, more flexible....even if routine is good...imagination and that sense of wonder, the will to go forward and see new things and try different things..it comes from breaking free....how do we break free?

So there is art. Art is the answer; the space in between, the lost soul's waiting room, the creative minds, the forgotten energies, swithced off, boxed up in a garage, or a dusty loft...
now we open this box and let out something unique packed with memories, almost of an alien part of myself...
Here I am in a dangerous zone, unlimited and free space, multidimensional and scary, really scary...
My creative zone, yes my artistic self...
Not this blog, not the needle felting, not the flower arranging...but something more daring, more out there...
I am going to the Tate Modern now, full of this anticipation...wanting desperately to feel the connection with Art and the Artists, as we all are out there in this separate dimension...like the lounge in between world, not here not there either, somewhere in the lost middle...where all the art meets and blends in this orange cloudy blur...
All the possibilities are here for me...nut in this life at this moment, here I am , just me, contained by my box, my skin, my fat, my leggings and dress, my jumper, my coat, my make up...a mask...
My everyday tasks, my regular meals, my duties, my everyday ordinary life.

What links Art to me or to anyone?
Love and passion and dreams...we peep in this little hole and see a tiny bit of what is like in this space, this scary space in which we can all belong if we let our senses open...just for a infinite moment...

Dual Forces Spiral felted image- Susannah Andrews

Watercolour- water and Fire- Susannha Andrews