Where the Water meets the Fire

Here I am

Inside a rising flame

Yet here I am 

With fear and shame

Drowned the desire

Flowing river, flowing

Evaporating with fire

Unsure, carried, blowing

Winds of ancient song

Womb, expanding, shrinking

Dissolving back where I belong

Here I sleep while standing

Where the water meets the fire

The passing of time

Swirls, shapes, shadows, spots
Cells, each one a memory
Tight and tighter in knots
Chained to the deep sensory
The grotty and the downward pull
The expansion and the gravity
The tightness and the feel full
The irrational, the insanity
The alien and the strangeness
The need to hide away
From everything, more or less
Can't shout, speak or say
Scream in terror as if in a nightmare
Stuck far out, somewhere, here, there
Past and future, the passing of time
Stillness, hope, love sublime

6th Moon

Now it's June
hope not to soon
to say it's past the 6th Moon

And the blossoms look sweet
Fresh roses bloom fragrant and open
And lavender buds and rosemary meet
Like my bones and muscles broken
My heart is pounding, my chest hurts
My mind wanders filled with fear
My brain on repeat until it bursts
My body collapsing, here
On a bed too hard, too soft, too cold, too hot
In my home too open, too close, tight like knot
In chains, constricted, prisoner of my old self
My veins pumping old blood
See the dusty book on the shelf
Remember when my girl was a little bud
Now ready to leave the nest
Here I am supposed to rest

Instead I feel like digging, gripping,
Clenching, wrapping, grasping,
Turning removing the topsoil
Trying to find Light, Peace
Finding a way to keep growing strong
Let the old leaves drop, release
To renew and seek what I long
For it's me, and him, and me again, soon
The old dynamic is the new, another moon

I long, I seek, I find, I loose, I cry,
I breathe, it feels like stagnant air, why?

Everything matters

For all that matters
My mind chatters
It keeps going and it won't shut up
Until my body screams 'I'm messed up'
Then the physical sensations are louder
The pain, like a flame, from the inner to the outer
Now I am trying to quiet the mind
And tell my body I will be kind
Everything matters and it all makes sense again
That inside my pain is my brain

All I need is to keep breathing in and out
And let my pain just shout

Breathing in
let the light in
Flow, flow, let go
breathing out
let the pain disperse
to the infinite universe

Moonchild

Dancing in the shallows of a river
Lonely moonchild
Dreaming in the shadow
Of the willow.

Talking to the trees of the
Cobweb strange
Sleeping on the steps of a fountain
Waving silver wands to the
Night-birds song
Waiting for the sun on the mountain.

She's a moonchild
Gathering the flowers in a garden.
Lovely moonchild
Drifting on the echoes of the hours.

Sailing on the wind
In a milk white gown
Dropping circle stones on a sun dial
Playing hide and seek
With the ghosts of dawn
Waiting for a smile from a sun child

Moonchild 

King Crimson

L.I.F.E.

L for Look at this!
I for I don't know how it all happened
F is for fantastic
E is for ever - changing

And so, things have been happening all around me, with me or without me'
All the chain of events, slowly unfolding.
Life going in circles, and I am looking inward and perhaps missing some.
No regrets, no sadness allowed, no dwelling, no repeating patterns,
No creating patterns, no seeking sadness, sadness...oh no...the emptiness.
Be free, and open, be the facilitator, the creator, the mother of mothers.
For the physical state is only an illusion, like time or reality.
For the presence will be felt, in my blood.


It's not the silence, but the absence of her quiet



The taste of the sea
A drop of the ocean
Tear, salty and sweet
Mirage vision
In my eyes
Always

The truth of my own image

There has arisen from my egohood
My Self, and finds itself
As cosmic revelation
In pulse of time and space;
The world shows everywhere to me
As godly archetype
The truth of my own image.


My self is threatening to fly forth,
Lured strongly by the world’s enticing light.
Come forth, prophetic feeling,
Take up with strength your rightful task:
Replace in me the power of thought
Which in the senses’ glory
Would gladly lose itself.


(From: The Calendar of the Soul by Rudolf Steiner)


The verses in ‘The Calendar of the Soul’ were written by Rudolf Steiner for each week of the year (original in German), reflecting the soul experiences we can feel and through which we can inwardly grow in relationship to the time of the year. Through such reflections and meditations on the changing soul experiences through the year, one can develop a deep inner soul connection to the cycle of the seasons. They can be a soul-full companion and inner help in trials as well as joys through the year.*





The last posts here are a collection of thoughts in verses, discordant poetry, it is my journey, my way of 'screaming into a pillow'...
My body and my thoughts, my feelings,
 have been going through a phase;
 I am trying to observe from inside and ride this era of my life here on Earth, not knowing yet how it is going to change...yes changes are quite something...but it is part of being a woman
this is my expression of this tumultuous phase full of changes, 
the peri menopause - 
All things happening emotionally and physically are translated 
in words in the hope that one can look at this and understand, even if only a glimpse of it, or identify herself, 
perhaps also sharing, in the hope that one day 

I can look at this and ask myself how did I cope?
I also plan to create a multimedia expression and representation of this phase, with the help of other collaborators.

I am currently seeking to connect with other women between 45 and 55 going through similar experience. 
If you are willing and able to express what you are going through with paintings and sculptures, photographs and installations, perhaps even musical pieces, please come forward and share.
I would like to create together and make it into an art event.